Keeping Your Cool When All Around You Is Chaos.

The toddlers are playing up, the baby is crying again, the washing needs folding, you can't see the floor, and hubby is due home any minute for the tea you haven't had a moment to think about, let alone prepare. Sometimes you just have to accept that you are not having a good day and make the most of it. The problem with these sorts of days, is that they seem to come as an endless stream of them. It tires you out, wears you down, and life becomes no fun at all. What can you do about it?

Having more than one small child in the house, is always going to be a hassle. Add a baby to the mix, who does not sleep through the night, and seems to need feeding constantly, and you have the recipe for a very demanding time.

Here are some things you can try. Firstly be prepared. Yes I know it is an old scouts motto, but it does have some relevance here. You know that you are not going to get a lot of sleep at night, so try and get some things done while you are pacing the floors with baby. All three of my own children had colic from about 6 weeks of age, for over 6 weeks a piece. I would spend up to three hours in the small hours of the morning pacing the floor, trying to get my young ones to stop crying. By the time my second child came along, I was on my own. What I used to do was after feeding him, changing him and burping him, I would put him in one of those front packs you can get. This would be the time I would fold the washing. I would also prepare lunch for my daughter for the next day, get the dishes done and get something simple prepared for tea, like a casserole, which simply had to go in the oven. I would write shopping lists so that if I did have to go to town I knew exactly where I was going and what I needed. I made lists of people I had to call ( and what for, when I am tired my brain turns to cotton wool). This meant that during the day I had a bit of structure. And structure does help to stop you feeling so overwhelmed. I would get my floors done in the morning, get my daughter of to kindergarten for the afternoon, and then baby and I would spend our afternoon on the couch, dozing, being together and generally getting some time out. It is not easy to get chores done when your baby is crying on your chest, but it can be done. I learnt to relax my housekeeping standards a bit, which also helped. If people are coming to see you and they simply want to comment on the state of your house, then I would discourage them from calling. You could always point them in the direction of the vacuum cleaner and tell them to use it. They will either pitch in and help, or stop visiting, either way you will feel better.

One other point I would like to make, if people around you offer help, take it. My neighbor would come over some nights and walk my son around long enough for me to have a cup of tea. If my Mum came round I would get her to mind the kids while I had a shower. Occasionally she would cook up a huge stew or casserole that would do me and the kids a couple of nights. Another neighbor would pick up bread and milk for me from town. Before I had children I never took help from anybody. By the time I was left a solo Mother with two children, I would have been a fool not to.

There is no such thing as a super Mum. If you have a partner tell him what needs to be done, instead of getting at him for not doing things. If he is not helpful, get on with meeting the needs of your children and yourself, he is big enough to look after himself. I don't mean to sound tough, but raising small children is hard enough without having a six foot baby in the house as well.

When all else fails, go sit in the garden, or your room for a few minutes and tell yourself, 'this will not last forever', you will get through this.

Telling you to take time for yourself would seem patronizing, but you do need to look after yourself. Try and eat regularly, and rest all you can. Take the kids for a walk sometimes, fresh air tires them out. Don't spend your time fretting about what you can't do, just appreciate what you can. Reading a magazine, or watching a daily soap may seem self-absorbing, but do it anyway. Try and take a tiny part of everyday when you can forget about the chaos around you, and indulge in a bit of escapism. Whatever it is, whatever it takes, try to retain a bit of yourself. It will give you something to build on when these darlings go to school. And that is not far away.